The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is a book written by an experienced marriage and family therapist. In it, he gives married couples an important tool for making their marriage last. Through using knowledge of our spouse and ourselves, we can make sure our beloved partners know how much we love them through what we say to and do for them. It is the key to understanding each other. Once we feel understood, we are more likely to give the other understanding when we witness their human imperfections in action.
This applies not only to marriage. Close, lasting friendships also depend on each person in the relationship paying attention and speaking the love language that is most important to the other person, the one our friend hears most clearly. That is the way of building mutual trust and commitment.
1. Words of Affirmation
The first way we show acceptance and love toward our beau, spouse or friend is to give them words of affirmation meant to lift their hearts. Our words have to power to heal the hearts of our loved ones, and speaking loving words to them heals the wounds that the woes of every day life inflicts on us.
Words of Appreciation
Words of appreciation are those that let our loved ones know we appreciate the good things they bring to the relationship and acknowledge that their strengths have the power to make our lives better. One example might be,
"I love the way you notice when the bathrooms need to be cleaned and just take care of them so that I can think about other things."
Or,
"When you come right home after work, it makes me feel happy that we have the evening to spend together."
Words of Praise
Words of praise recognize the positive traits of the other person. They can sound like,
"That yellow dress looks beautiful with your dark hair and green eyes. It's so good to see you wearing it."
Or,
"You are such a wonderful cook. I can taste all of the love you put into the meals you prepare. I'm so lucky to have you in my life.
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