I. Don’t Call Just Because . . .
No matter how friendly a woman’s husband appears to be, he is not a “best friend” candidate for any other woman. Don’t make it a habit to call just because you need to talk with someone, just because you like his voice, just because he always has something nice to say. He is not available to fulfill your need for attention, listening pleasure or
companionship. Another woman or a single man will be more appropriate to fill that need. Have a sensible reason to call a married male.
II. Don’t Ignore His Wife
You expect that he is the person who will answer your call to his cell phone, but if for some reason his wife answers (it happens), don’t hang up or say “wrong number.” Remember that your number registers. Greet her cordially and give her an idea, not necessarily the details, of the reason you called. “I’d like to ask your husband’s advice on a problem I’m having with my computer, or on a service his company offers, or to get his opinion on an issue I’m facing with my son.” If he is not available, thank her for relaying your message. Never give the impression that you’re annoyed because she took the call, or that the reason you called is none of her business.
III. Don’t Call at Bedtime
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If it will not make any difference whether he hears it that night or the next day, why bother him at bedtime to give him that information? If he is not expected to take any action that night, do not disturb him. Even if you know that he usually stays up late, while she goes to bed early, you do not know what surprising welcome advance one of them may choose to make that night. Bedtime is reserved for intimacy between most husbands and wives. They may be deeply engaged in intimate conversation and to disturb them may be to frustrate them. They may be in a close embrace for which he needs two hands, leaving no extra hand to hold the phone. Be considerate. Be respectful. Be understanding.
IV. Don’t Use Terms of Endearment
These days, many people ignore the meaning and significance of words, including terms of endearment. We expect people in relationships, more special than casual friendship, to refer to each other using names like “Sweetheart,” “Honey,” and “Darling,” among others.
Some people take offense at strangers or mere acquaintances using these terms to address them, because they think that it deflates the significance of the term. They reserve these names for special people in the categories of family and friendship. A married male friend is not likely to fit these categories, if there is no intention to place him in a close-to the-heart relationship.
For women who do not attach any significance to these terms, consider that if the married man does, he could be flattered into thinking that you are pursuing a sweetheart relationship. Better to use salutations which do not create misunderstanding.
V. Don’t Call Only When His Wife Is Away
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If you really have a reason to call, you will call whether or not his wife is in his presence. When you do, acknowledge her. Example, “Please give my regards to your wife.” Such behavior helps to establish that you have nothing to hide about your conversation with him. That may lessen the cause for suspicion when she hears that you called in her absence. It may be considerate to inquire about his well-being, but do not aim to become a substitute who offers concern and companionship when the primary provider is absent. Don’t create bogus reasons to call, and if you must call, respect her space with the same integrity you would display if she were present.
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