Many unmarried people who attend church stop attending at some point while they’re single. They usually start showing up less and less frequently until, “POOF!”—they’re gone. They may go back on holidays like Easter or Christmas, but even that’s iffy.
At least that’s my what I’ve seen and experienced.
Church activities often revolve around families.
1. They feel left out.
Many church functions revolve around couples and families. If we’re not married, we feel like we don’t belong.
Sure, there’s the Youth Group and then there’s the College or Young Adult class. But many of us no longer fit into those categories because we’re older. Most churches don't have a Singles class for adults beyond their twenties.
Some singles actually prefer not to be in a Singles class because it highlights their unmarried status. It’s not that they’re necessarily embarrassed about it; it’s just that they don’t want to be defined by it.
Some of us prefer to be around a diverse group of people rather than just singles.
But many churches don’t have Sunday School classes for people from all walks of life. Classes are often created based on gender, such as the “Ladies’ Bible Study” or based on family, such as the “Married Couples Class.”
I once walked into a Sunday School class for newlyweds. I was single and didn’t realize I was in the wrong place until I got quite the look from several class members. I left promptly.
Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
— Psalm 84:10
Entering a church alone for the first time can be intimidating for many singles.
2. It’s hard to enter a new church alone.
This is especially so for introverts like me or for people who are generally shy. We hate being the center of attention.
When we walk into a church by ourselves, we feel self-conscious. People don’t mean to be rude when they stare, but it only intensifies the sensation that all eyes are on us.
During the beginning of the service in one church I visited several years ago, the assistant pastor asked all visitors to stand up.
I was mortified.
I’m sure this man meant well. He likely wanted newcomers to feel recognized and welcome. But I only felt more singled out. And no, I didn’t stand up, which made some people’s heads turn towards me. Sigh.
Then I worried that I would be looked upon as a rebel.
In any event, I didn’t return to that church.
Sometimes we fear being judged in church for not being married, especially since so many church functions center around families.
I have had people in church ask me point-blank why I'm not married.
Is it really that important?
We wish people in church would just accept us for who we are.
Jesus was single. So was Paul, the greatest evangelist of all time. Yet single people in church are often ostracized or generally looked down upon.
It's harder to get up early for a worship service when there's nobody holding you accountable. |
3. It takes more motivation to get going in the morning.
When we live alone, it’s harder to get out of bed for church on Sundays.
It’s easy to say, “I’ll go next Sunday," “I’m too tired” or “I’ll watch the sermon online." After all, who is going to argue with us? Nobody.
That’s why it’s so easy for singles to cop out of their best laid out plans to attend a 9 am or even an 11 am worship service.
I have had the names and addresses of three churches jotted down on paper for almost two years, with the intent to visit them “soon." Well, I still haven’t stepped into any of them.
Obviously, it takes a little extra time to get yourself up, groomed and dressed for a Sunday morning service. It’s easier to stay in bed in your jammies!
There’s also more pressure to make a good first impression. If you’re not feeling confident or sociable, you may think you'll ruin your chance to present yourself favorably.
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
— Hebrews 10:24-25
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